3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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