I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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