Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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