READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
