WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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