You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
