upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
high people should be assigned attendants
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
