I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My dick has a subreddit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
