I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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