Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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