he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
