census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
