why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
