Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
