Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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