Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
