If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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