party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
