I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
