halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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