He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
a search helicopter?!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
