I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
