This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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