He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Come on in and take your pants off
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