Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
