but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
