Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
