oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We need to feng shui this bitch.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
