The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
