is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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