everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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