I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
