im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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