Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize