no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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