sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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