I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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