yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
