Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
