I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
