i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
