I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
