u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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