First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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