I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄