Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode