You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
