Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  did it start talking like on Land before time?

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  (518): i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur (413): did it start talking like on Land before time? http://tfl.nu/4v1u
  Replies (12) Good night (4075) Bad night (656)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
  Replies (8) Good night (1455) Bad night (4152)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.

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  (608): I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs. http://tfl.nu/6w3y
  Replies (31) Good night (6408) Bad night (1011)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.

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  (973): as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage. http://tfl.nu/z7ah
  Replies (10) Good night (635) Bad night (2804)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5320) Bad night (903)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?

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  (816): Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation? http://tfl.nu/p01u
  Replies (2) Good night (2455) Bad night (715)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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  (240): I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop. http://tfl.nu/iw16
  Replies (20) Good night (3709) Bad night (1465)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time

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  (251): I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time http://tfl.nu/7lhp
  Replies (7) Good night (785) Bad night (2078)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink

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  (678): I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink http://tfl.nu/zdy9
  Replies (11) Good night (941) Bad night (979)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?

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  (336): I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/ctqb
  Replies (4) Good night (503) Bad night (1139)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom

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  (402): Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom http://tfl.nu/4fn6
  Replies (9) Good night (550) Bad night (2408)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.

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  (814): The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends. http://tfl.nu/0kea
  Replies (1) Good night (667) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think

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  (954): Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early. (1-954): Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar. (954): I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am? (1-954): A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think http://tfl.nu/h7b0
  Replies (3) Good night (1337) Bad night (360)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You are both horrible and amazing

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  (602): I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep. (480): You are both horrible and amazing http://tfl.nu/a2mg
  Replies (0) Good night (717) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.

  (510): View more from California

  I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.

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  (620): I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween. (510): I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/39pv
  Replies (3) Good night (685) Bad night (232)

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