I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time