friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
