I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
