Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
