You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
