I just made out with a guy for $7.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
