I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
