Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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