I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
