Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
