I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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