Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize