I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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