you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
