***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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