Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
