The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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