i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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