ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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