I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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