he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
