During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
