My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
