I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
