im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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