just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
