I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
