He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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