Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
