and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
