Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
