we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
