he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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