i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
